Giggling

As a massage therapist I get magazines that sell all sorts of massage equipment. Sheets, oils, lotions, etc.

I have yet to order something, but I'm going to sometime; I'm sure of it. So I always take a looksie through the catalog.

Oooh...

Oil vs. Cream vs. Lotion...proper lubrication is very important. I prefer the gel (luckily they provide it at work since it's $45.99 for a gallon). Sheesh! Expensive stuff.

And then you have stuff like this:

This is perhaps the best invention ever. You take it and use it on your rhomboids (the muscles between your shoulder blades) where most people get knots, or you can use it just about anywhere you get knots. Delightful. However...you can get it on Amazon for $22.23. Merry Christmas anyone?

As you delve a little deeper in the catalog you'll notice all kinds of supplies for estheticians as well as massage therapists.

Sheets...
Bolsters...
Hot stones...
Paraffin dips...
Disposable thongs...
Nail clippers...
"Down There" hair color...
Robes...
Scrubs...

Wait a minute. Did I see "Down There" hair color?

I'm sorry.....WHAT?!?

You mean...I could.......where? What colors? Sexy Lilac? Love Red? Because nothing says "I love you" like dying your hair down there red....

Really?

And then when I'm done with the color I can do this too?


So my hoo-ha could be a Fun Betty bow tie? (What is that? Pink? Fuchsia? Orange? A vertical or horizontal bow tie? Will it actually look like a bow tie? [Hey--I'm just here to ask the tough questions.]) (And write parenthetical phrases.)


Or a Malibu Blue Betty dollar sign?


What more could a girl want?

(All I really want to know, is: who would get the peace sign? Seriously? Because all the little triangle parts would really hurt. Here, allow me to rip out 5 of your pubic hairs at a time.)

(I'm sorry I said "pubic.")

I'm done now.