Dear Northern Indiana,

I like seasons.

I want snow.

If I'm going to live in extended fall, I'm going to at least need the leaves to be pretty on the trees. [And, just to be clear, I don't actually want to live in extended autumn.]

It's December and it was over 60 degrees today. Boo, weather, BOOO! I'm ready to wear my winter clothes and my boots and my coat and my scarves and my hat and get all snuggly.

Plus, this is soup season, but I am experiencing difficulty with my desire to eat warm, uh....soupy meals.

Let's make it happen. Can I get 6-10 inches next week?

gracias.

xo,
amy

note to self.

Please start exercising again. You need it. Your body likes it. Your heart likes it...the emotional and the physical one.

The fact that you have not gained weight due to replacing meals with coffee is not a reason not to exercise.

The result of the coffee running through your veins is that you cannot sleep at night.

The result of not being able to go to sleep at night is that you don't get up on time.

The result of not getting up on time is that your morning is rushed and although a Larabar and an apple is a good once-in-awhile breakfast, the fact that you are eating it at 10am every day is not the best.

Now, finish your homework, drive home, and go to bed. Someone [and by someone I mean a cat because you are on the periphery of being a crazy cat lady] wants to cuddle with you. You can dream about boys. You can snuggle in your awesome bed. You can wear sweatpants.

love,
amy

Dear Friends,

I'm at my favorite body of water and it's warm. It's downright hot. The water is like bath water. If you like your baths with a nature-made bottom of silt.

What I'm trying to tell you is that I am experiencing *perfect* skinny-dipping weather and no one to skinny-dip with me. I do have family, but being in the buff with them is a little...odd to say the least.

Friends (let's keep it real, I've skinny-dipped with one or two or twenty of you), please come visit me in the dark of the night so we can enjoy these perfect conditions.

If by some random chance you've never experienced the exhilarating joy that is wearing your birthday suit in the water, you need to get on that.

xoxo,
amy


ps: dear future loml, please add skinny dipping to the list of activities you enjoy.

this moon? crazy-awesome. 

Dear Blog Stalkers,

Feel free to replace the word "stalker" with "lurker," "creeper," "covert follower" or "person who secretly reads amy's blog hoping no one will find out because it's a little girly and doesn't make much sense." Whatever makes you feel good. Roll with that. 


I like you.


That is all. 


Love,
amy

Mini-Rant

Dear Glee [and iTunes?]:

I want to punch you [peacefully] in the face.

Why no albums? Why are you selling every song individually?

Reasons this annoys me:

• When synced to my iPod and playing in my iTunes each album is separate, so it's not like I can select an album to listen to.
• This is a pain in the butt, also known as, I don't want to select each song, I want you to give my my album of songs from every 3-4 episodes and put them together and let me pay my $12.99.
• I think you're trying to get more money out of me. 
• Jerks.

Glee, Fox, iTunes--get your act together and do what I want! After all, we all know that I'm right. 

xo,

amy

Letter

Dear Life,

I think I may have been destined to be a 50s house-wife. I really do want to make pot-roast in high heels and dresses. Really? That didn't happen? It was just for TV!?!?! OK, I'll exchange ballet flats for the high heels. I know that high heels just shorten your gastrocnemius and hamstrings anyways, so I'll make the heel sacrifice for my body's benefit. And since I don't eat meat right now, I'll make soup and homemade bread and granola and things.

I know it's a throwback, but a part of me has a strong desire to be barefoot, pregnant, makin' pies from scratch.

There will probably come a time when I might get bored. So, I'd do a little of this and a little of that to keep things interesting.

Thank you for taking this into consideration, Life.

Love,
amy

Dear Denim Manufacturers,

I hate strongly dislike you right now.

See, the trend is skinny jeans. Tapered jeans. Tight jeans. I know you don't know me, but I'm not skinny. I'm not down with the tight denim. MY LEGS WANT TO BREATHE!

I watch a lot of What Not to Wear (or, I did in the past when I had TV) and according to Stacy and Clinton, you should not wear a trend that doesn't look good on your body.

Your trendy jeans don't look good on my body. I have rather large thighs. It's just a part of my structure and the skinny jean makes them feel about three times their size. Trust me. That's not something anyone needs/wants to be subjected to.

Let's compare:

First we have the skinny jean. On skinny models. Wearing high heels.
This is not what I look like.

Next, a picture of me water-skiing from last summer. I'm active. I move. I do things. My thighs are substantial. They would never look like the prior image. Even with high heels. Which is why I'm not buying your ding-dang skinny jeans.

I'm just looking for a nice pair of sailor cut jeans, a wide leg trouser jean with actual butt pockets. Something where the leg falls straight down from my hip. This is wider than a "straight leg jean" but not as wide as the JNCO trend of the 90s. I also want a pair without stretch denim. For some reason stretch denim is quite popular in denim for larger women. I don't understand this either because then the jeans just stick to your legs. Which isn't attractive. Why is this so difficult? Because you keep making skinny, stretchy jeans.

Thank you for considering what I have to say.

Sincerely,
amy

Dear Duke Divinity School,

Please give me back my roommate.

She has too many papers to write, so I never see her face.

It makes me sad.

It makes her sad. You see, she's an extreme extrovert and she needs people to sustain her. Seriously.

Love,
amy

p.s. Hank (the cat) misses her as well. He doesn't know what to do without his two mommies.

Dear Haters,

I haven't had Starbucks at all this week.

That is, I haven't had one drop of a Pumpkin Spice Latte, Light Coffee Frappuccino, Caramel Latte, or coffee.

ZERO.

How's that for someone you may have called an "addict"?

Huh?

Love,
amy

p.s. Is denial the first step? (But I really haven't had any Starbucks.)

Prejudice #6

Dear Men,

Put a shirt on.

Granted, I love you without a shirt. Generally speaking, of course. However, when you're driving around town in your Jeep or SUV or Toyota. PUT A SHIRT ON. This is Durham. It's not the country! Wherever you're going you're going to need a shirt, so why the need to drive around topless?

And I frequently see you going to either Whole Foods or Kroger, so you know you're gonna need a shirt to go in.

The no shirt while driving thing makes me think of rednecks and hillbillies and frat boys. I judge those people. (Granted life circumstances sometimes create a redneck or hillbilly, but I try, TRY to be understanding in those situations.) The frat boy thing is just against you.

In conclusion: Put a shirt on. Don't be a frat boy. Try to prevent being a hillbilly or redneck.

Please.

Thank you.

Love,
amy

Dear Amy,

I hate you.

Currently, I am going to plague you with zits, oil and the herp (the non-STI kind, one on your mouth, you're welcome).

Please find a climate better suited to my needs or alter your skincare regimen.

love,
your skin

Dear Starbucks,

I love you.

I know, it's probably not the best time for me to be sharing this with you seeing that I'm currently consuming a Light Coffee Frappuccino and my vision is skewed and my heart is biased.

You bring my friends together. We drink your beverages, hot or cold in harmony with one another.



This was a warm, spring day just outside of Washington, DC so we all went the Frappuccino route.

The quotes on the back of your cups (which you're going to make greener by 2015 if not before, come on speed it up!) fulfill my need for a quote a day. I love it.


From a pumpkin spice latte, hazelnut mocha, and brewed coffee to a mint mocha frappuccino, iced caramel-vanilla latte or coffee frappuccino all of my drink seasons are covered by your delightful beverages.

Thank you for being just down the way from where I work.

Love,
amy

P.S. If local coffee is available, I will drop you like a hot potato. (But, I still love you.)

Dear Ms. Stephenie Meyer,

I love your books. I blew through Twilight, New Moon, Eclipse and Breaking Dawn (and The Host) last summer. I can't decide if I love Edward or Jacob more, I feel this is a sign of your excellent writing, seeing that I am a rational person understanding that they are fictional characters.


After seeing the movie, good, although not nearly as good as the Twilight in my imagination (or your imagination, really) I heard about the Midnight Sun and was very excited for it's release.

Unfortunately, then I heard that you weren't going to finish it. WHAT?!?! You're going to leave half of the story UNTOLD? Are you crazy? If I feel this adamantly about the release of Midnight Sun, I can only imagine how your fanatical fans are behaving.

I'm not fanatic. I'm merely looking for closure. (Ok, I might be a little crazy.)

In ending, I read the partial draft of Midnight Sun. AND I HAVE BEEN LEFT HANGING. HANGING.

Please remedy this.

Love,
amy

Dear facebook,

Stop seducing me.

I must be productive. You will never return my love the way I need it.

With all your friend updates, status updates, tagged pictures, photo albums, relationship updates and lexulous I never seem to be doing what I need to do. The power you give me to stalk my friends is just too much.

I'm taking a break from you, facebook. (But, only for one day, so don't feel too badly.)

Love,
amy