GYST - 4. Work

This is part of my 2014 non-resolution-resolution to Get Your (my) Shit Together. 

I think I should probably call it my "Life Plan," but the 12-months of 2014 

seems more manageable than say, oh, the next 50 years.

Today I got a job.



I thought about making that the entire post but that seems like it's cheating. Is it cheating? Do you actually care to know more? It's relatively boring, trust me.

The details are...I quit working last July when all the information we were getting about nursing school basically said "don't plan on werkin' because you'll be twerkin.'" jk, y'all. It did say "don't plan on working" and I took that to mean AT ALL and I up and quit my job and said goodbye to my clients and took up permanent [i.e. weekends too] residence in the great city of Indianapolis.

Then when we started school, all these school people were like "where do you work?" Uh. What? Did I misinterpret what I read before when I was reading all the things you were sending because I'm pretty sure I accidentally got into nursing school and I want to make sure I'm familiar with the kicking-out success policy.

Truth.

All in all, I wanted a nursing job. A variety of student jobs are available at hospitals around this city, but do you know how difficult it is to land said job? Freakin' hard. I want that nursing job. Oh, Ego, how you tease and torment me! Except I haven't/didn't get any of those, so it's basically time to have some income.

I reminded myself why I went to massage school in the first place [granted, my reasons and the benefits of massage grew and expanded in ways I didn't even fathom when I started, so this reason became less of a reason in my non-student life] which was: To have a part-time job that will pay a significant enough hourly wage that I don't have to work a bajillion [or forty] hours a week if I went back to school.

So I sucked it up, applied for a job, got a call, went in for an interview, was told I was hired, filled out paperwork, and I start on Saturday. *edit: It's a job doing massage at a studio in Indy for those of you wanting deets. (-: 

The end.

GYST - 2. Exercise

This is part of my 2014 non-resolution-resolution to Get Your (my) Shit Together. 

I think I should probably call it my "Life Plan," but the 12-months of 2014 

seems more manageable than say, oh, the next 50 years.

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ex·er·cise

ˈeksərˌsīz/

noun

1. 1.

   activity requiring physical effort, carried out esp. to sustain or improve health and fitness.

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Yeah. That physical effort thing.

To be perfectly honest, I heart exercise. I love to be sweaty. I love moving. I love feeling strong. I love feeling able. I just like it.

All those happy thoughts said, exercise is the first thing I dismiss off my list when I'm busy. WHYYYYY???

I think I ignore my need to move because it's easy. It's easy to say, "I don't need to change clothes if I watch a movie." Or, "I did just do ______ last Saturday." Or, "school is more important" rather than remembering that I'll be able to focus better, study harder, and sleep well if I exercise.

The sleep. Ahhhhh. When I'm getting my proper physical exertion on, my sleep is amazing. You know what I mean? I'm all sore and achy and when I fall into bed my mind is off and I'm out for 7 hours and 45 minutes. BOOM.

Apparently I'm using this post to convince myself to get down to business. [You may be thinking, "Amy, wasn't that the point?" You would be correct Friends.]

Last Fall I was on a long drive, contemplating my navel life and I came to the realization: I like running.

Whut?

No, really, WHUT? So, so, sooooo much of my history has been: "I HATE TO RUN." "RUNNING SUCKS." "I RUN BECAUSE MY COACH MAKES ME." "I WILL ONLY RUN [AS AN ADULT] IF SOMEONE IS CHASING ME AND THEY'LL PROBABLY CATCH ME BECAUSE I'M SLOW." When I started running a couple of years ago, I dreaded it. You know what part I hate about running? The getting into shape part. Weird. [not actually weird] You know the time when you struggle and you feel like you cannot get enough oxygen and every person who passes you is probably wondering if you're going to collapse? Yeah, that part.

But the burn of the throat, the ache of the legs, the sheer mental will-power is TOTALLY WORTH IT. You know why? Because I can do it. I can appreciate that my body has the ability to move. I can put one foot in front of the other. I can breathe hard and not die. I can be strong. I can get this shit done. Not to mention the actual being in better shape part ---- oh.so.good.

Who cares if my thighs rub together and my boobs bounce and my form is kinda sucky?

Not this woman.

The next step after this is doing some kind of muscle building thing. Lifting has no appeal. Do body-weight calisthenics have the same benefits as weight lifting? What do you like? 

GYST - 1. Food/Diet

This is part of my 2014 non-resolution-resolution to Get Your (my) Shit Together. 

I think I should probably call it my "Life Plan," but the 12-months of 2014 

seems more manageable than say, oh, the next 50 years.

**warning: I wrote waaaaaay too many words. I don't want your advice. overandout.**

Good grief, Charlie Brown. I know I'm pretty lucky to not have to worry about my next meal, but you'd think that might make Food less of a jerkface. 

Yeah, Food, I'm calling you names. 

As part of changing the habits and patterns that I've found myself in, I am shaking up the food I'm eating. How I'm approaching this: 

• I LOVE FOOD. [even though it can be a jerkface]
• I have no [known] allergies or sensitivities. HALLELUJAH.
• except for pineapple which makes the inside of my mouth sore, but I think it's worth the tiny mouth ulcers
• I'm staying veggie...maybe a little fish, but I had a bad experience over Christmas with fish in the midwest and my stomach still turns when I think about it. /-:
• I want manageable changes.
• I want to still love food. 

There are so many theories of how we're supposed to eat, how we're not supposed to eat, how to eat clean, how to be the healthiest, how to think of food as fuel, how to be the best-BEST-BEST food preparer/eater of all time. How do you even choose?
I can only tell you this: I don't give a crap about all that.

I think there are elements we can take away from paleo, vegan, vegetarian, any low-carb, raw, GF, or other diet. I just don't think any of those eating plans in their entirety are right for me. [I definitely know people who have to limit themselves in this way for health reasons, and I'm thankful I don't currently put myself in any of those categories.]

I like the philosophy of intuitive eating. Now, I haven't read books. I'm not an expert. I don't actually care how this plays out in other bloggers lives. [hashtag sorrynotsorry] I want something sustainable that will work for me and this feels like a good habit. I like being in touch with my body and what's going on from head to toe. 

I went to hippie massage school, people. 

Historically, I have never been a thin person. I spent the first 22 years of my life as an athlete, practice and lifting and running were part of the routine, but I was never small. One could argue that I was rather...beefy. Additionally, early puberty and genetics blessed my body with boobs and thighs. Then post-college I did a bit of this and that and ended up working at a college and eating in a cafeteria again. Freshman 15 had nothing on the Employee 40. Basically up to this point, I would say I fed my body poorly. Not to even delve into what is commonly known as Emotional Eating.

Food, you are a jerkface.

I needed to make some changes and after a lot of research and deliberation, I decided I'd force myself into vegetarianism. Of course there were several transitions happening in my life when I went veggie, but I loved [and love] the way I feel with this diet. [Just learned today that vegetarians have a lower risk for diverticular disease-woo! Totally part of my reasoning.] This is not a persuasive argument: it works for me and my life.

After moving to Fort Wayne as part of my 30x30, I decided I wanted to lose 25 pounds. I was a calorie counting, daily exercising fiend. I went down 22 pounds and a couple of dress sizes. I felt strong and powerful and badass. However, I was also sliiiiiightly obsessed with calories and staying at or below my 1340 for each day. It consumed my mind. As much as my counting gave me control, I would say it equally withdrew me from fully engaging in non-food obsession because all I wanted to talk about was food. UGH.

Food, you are a jerkface.

When I went back to school in Fall 2012, exercise and calorie counting were traded in for studying, new work schedules, and attending classes. I'm tired of feeling low energy, slow, and out of touch in my body, so I've got to figure out how to manage this.

The first steps I've come up with:

• One meal a day is vegan. This isn't a demand, but similarly to forcing myself into vegetarianism, it really makes me think and plan what I'm eating. 
• Before [and during] I eat I will ask myself: Are you hungry? Are you hungry for that?
• Some days I'll count calories. Some days I won't. It's ok. I do like being able to be educated about what I'm eating [a doughnut is ____ calories, this serving size is ____ calories, an egg is ____ calories] so I'll calculate things once in a while. my goal = BALANCE
• I want to eat whole foods, which means I'm trying to make more food from scratch or purchase things that have ingredients that are recognizable. [i.e. not crackers. I love you Goldfish!]
• Going for full-fat diary [mostly yogurt and cheese] is SO HARD for me. I always reach for the 0% Yogurt and the Lowfat cheese, but when you look at the ingredients sometimes they put in some weird stuff to replace the fat. 
• I'd like to transition to more local stuff since it's easier to find in the big city, but that still feels a bit overwhelming. 
• I'm not eliminating, just limiting and making smaller portions. 

I'll say it 100 times on repeat: I LOVE FOOD. In my life, food has facilitated deep conversation and new friendships; nourishment for body and mind. I adore cooking and baking and it fosters my creative side. I love trying new ingredients and recipes. I will always think about doughnuts fondly...and frequently. That being said, consuming loads of doughnuts, cookies, cake, fried food, and simple carbs leave my body feeling heavy and slow and CRAPPY. I know that when I take the time to assess what my body wants and needs, I generally make really good choices. My body works at its best when it's filled with nutritious food, and it likes that. Healthy foods that also taste delicious exist! 

So maybe Food isn't such a jerkface, it's just my boundaries with food? In all honesty, I'm not trying to lose weight at this point in my life. I can't handle the pressure of school and clinical time and papers and trying to find a job and trying to be a friend AND losing weight right now. TRUTH. I do know that if I'm eating well and exercising [next post!] I might lose weight. Or I might not. Now is not the time I want to worry about it.

This may be a foreign concept for many people--I know, I know! I'm overweight! My BMI says blah blah blah about me! I should want to lose weight! I should want to be skinny! Oh, shoulds, I hate you.

I want to focus on healthy choices right now. [A body image post has been started and that's another story for another day, if I'm brave enough to share it.] I'm not sure what a healthy food relationship looks like for me, but I know I'm not there yet. I'm actively working on it --- hence the getting my shit together. 

You know, if things work out my shit will literally be together. LITERALLY, like my feces.

Too early for poop jokes? 

GYST - 6. creativity

This is part of my 2014 non-resolution-resolution to Get Your (my) Shit Together. 

I think I should probably call it my "Life Plan," but the 12-months of 2014 

seems more manageable than say, oh, the next 50 years.

Hi, friends. I have been dying for a little creative time. I will let days weeks months go by and I'll realize I haven't done one thing that fulfills the little crafty/creating/doing part of my mind. And pinning things on Pinterest [while inspiring] doesn't count as actually doing anything creative. 

[source]

Are you right or left brained? I took a quiz. I'm on the right side, but close to the middle. I'm not surprised since my learning style is visual and but I require structure I need to function successfully. Plus a whole bunch of other crap about me that you don't need to read in minute detail. You're welcome.

While I was home for Christmas break, I crocheted and sewed a couple of gifts and the loss of not doing those things for basically the past year smacked me upside the head. Even though this realization was way back in December, I haven't actually changed any of my habits. Oh human nature, how I loathe thee sometimes. 

The question I keep coming back to is "how do I change?" Trust me, I'm really good with excuses. I make a plan and then it needs to be changed because I can somehow sort it all out in my head that something else is more important. This is a systemic problem with all those things on my list: 

1. Food/diet, 2. Exercise, 3. Men, 4. Work, 5. Homework/School, 6. Creative Things

Time management is not sometime I excel at and it's a big factor in at least five of those goals, maybe all six. Granted, several parts of life overlap in this list and the creative stuff is no exception. When I start to figure out exactly how I'm gonna get my shit together I've got to break it down. 

What makes me feel creative? 

The list of things that leave me feeling like I've gotten to use the right side of my brain is long. As you may have gathered if you've been around here for awhile [or if you're a total stalker and have read all those old posts] I have a short attention span when it comes to projects. (-: 

My list of creative things that make me feel creative: 

taking pictures, blogging, writing, hand lettering quotes, sewing things, embroidering, crocheting, knitting, making things with paper, baking, singing, editing pictures, cooking, découpaging, painting, gluing things together, painting my nails...

[source]

What do I want to do? 

This is the difficult question. What do I want to do about it? I want to set aside a few hours a week where I actually stop the I Should Be Doing ____________ message that runs rampant in my head. [Example: I gave myself permission today to sit for the duration of my computer battery and blog and drink a latte. During this time I have reminded myself 3 times to not open the link to school stuff. I have spent 20 minutes searching for jobs before reminding myself that this is not the time for that. I can't even count the number of times I have just said "NO" to those ding-dang Shoulds. Jerks.]

The specifics of what I'm trying to say: take 2-3 hours 3 days a week and don't do school work.
Be creative.
Have fun.
Make things.
Write things.
Smile.

[I can't find the source for this. the link from pinterest 

doesn't give credit to the artist. BOO. can anyone help?]

As I get into the other items on my list [hopefully sooner rather than later since it's already February], I want to be more specific about time management and creating structure for myself and all that jazz. 

What questions am I not asking myself? What makes you feel creative? How do you find time for it? 

xoxo

2014 - I don't do resolutions

You may or may not be surprised by this, but resolutions aren't my thing.

My thing is a word or phrase to think about and bring into multiple aspects of my life. I'll tell you about some of the times my life brushes up against my phrase.

Do you want to know what my phrase is?

BOOM. I quite enjoy how I was able to incorporate my favorite profanity into this.

The only thing is you need to say it: Get-cho shit together.

Things I'm thinking about with this:
1. Food/diet
2. Exercise
[I'm such a sterotypical "I don't make resolutions" BSer.]
3. Men
4. Work
5. Homework/School
6. Creative Things

So, I have a post planned with each of these [at least as of right now, but we all know things can change - especially my mind] and I'll give you more information about the HOWs and the WHYs and my thoughts and where I don't currently have it together and the parts that I'm clueless about.

Let's delve.

Oh, and I couldn't decide which picture I wanted so I did two:

Two selfies and new glasses!


Selfies taken by me, which is what makes it a "selfie" on my iPhone. Words added in the Rhonna Designs App.