February 17, 2010

Airport Shenanigans

I love flying.

I love people watching.

Thoughts across America in airports:

Dear Woman in the short, black mod dress with white squares,
You shouldn’t be rocking the go-go boots today. You’re in an airport, not going out for a night on the town. Plus, it’s still lunchtime.
A Wanna-be Fashionista

Dear Good Looking Man,
I was checking you out. Yes, I found you attractive. Found? Past tense? Yes. Please take that gigantic lump of chewing tobacco out of your mouth. It is disgusting.
Well, I Guess We’ll Never Know

Dear Woman in the dress with the Knee-High Boots,
You’re rocking it. You look cute, comfy, well put together, and confident in your apparel choice. I approve.
The Judger

Dear Mother and Daughter traveling with a Toddler,
Please act as if you like your child. Show him some love. Don’t sit around complaining about his existence. He knows that’s how you feel even though he’s only about 4. He knows that you’re angry that you have to carry extra bags because he’s with you. He can’t help it. I don’t think he packed the bags. Don’t just let him tag along 15 feet behind you everywhere you go.
The Watcher

Dear Pilot,
You are quite attractive. Is it true what they say about pilots, that they have a woman in every city? Please stop walking so I can continue to look at you.
Superficial Gazer

Dear Speed Walker,
I love the energy with which you eat your McDonald’s French fries. I can tell you really like them.
The Food Enthusiast

Dear Women,
Black is not slimming if it is ill-fitting. Too tight? It show all your lumps and bumps. Too loose? You look like a bag lady. Too many layers? You’re not doing yourself any favors. Ask a trusted friend to shop with you. Trust him or her when they say something looks good or doesn’t look good. Try your clothes on. Rock it with confidence, that’s what it takes to pull it off.
The Fitting Specialist

Dear Airplane Creators,
Thank you.
Thank you.
Thank you.

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