ten things

1. I started back to school this week. The first week isn't usually too terrible except for the whole did-I-show-up-to-where-I-was-supposed-to-be-at-the-right-time part of the equation. My love for school supplies runs deep, but I pretty much have all I need (and then some). I did splurge on some new writing utensils because I couldn't help myself.

2. My vacation was brilliant. BRILLIANT! I crossed just about everything off my list. Amongst other things, I spent an entire day with these two gems [and the dog].

bow down, humans. 

After about a week after classes were out I looked in the mirror and I recognized myself! It's amazing what a little sunshine, rest, and alone time can do for a lady.

3. I'm having heartbreak over all the things happening in our world. We need some peace, friends.

4. When I was at Target the other day I found a Mr. Coffee on the clearance shelf for $11.29. I've been fighting the Keurig convenience for years because I like a stronger cup of coffee and I can't convince myself that the waste is worth it. I probably spent $11.29 a week on plain, black coffee. A WEEK. So, I wedged that box into my basket telling myself that I'll get a reusable K-cup. [Does anyone have one they really, really like?] Then I found Copper Moon InstaKups in a 36 count box on clearance at Kroger for $5. I figure that will last me until I get my reusable cup and the Copper Moon cups have just a small ring of plastic with a coffee filter at the bottom. AND the coffee is remarkably tasty. AND it's an Indiana company. So I feel less guilty [or at least I'm trying to convince myself of that] until I get my reusable cup.

5. Today my neighbor called me "sweetheart." As in, "How are you sweetheart?" Me.

6. On an outing Monday with friends to get pedicures [and snuggle this little bean] we drove by Mug n' Bun. It's apparently an Indianapolis thing, so I insisted we pull over and get root beer. [Do you say "r-ew-t beer" or "r-uh-t beer"? I say r-ew-t.] A large comes in a commermorative cup, so how could I say no?

It's like root beer and cream soda got together and had a love child that I slurped up through a straw. How's that for some imagery?

7. I turned my air conditioning on this week. You can only have so much willpower in the face of something of non-importance when your body is coated in sweat.

8. My parents got iPhones. Watch out facebook, my father has 24/7 access.

9. Fine. I'm ready for fall and colorful trees and boots and pumpkin flavored everything. #confession

10. Pentatonix has a new album coming out September 23rd. I'm so excited that I pre-ordered it. Do you want a copy too? Leave a comment and I'll randomly choose someone to get it through iTunes. You could tell me one of the following:
     a) hi
     b) what reusable k-cup you use [I'm sure they're not technically all called "k-cups" since that's a brand name, but you know what I mean.]
     c) your life story
     d) a blog you can't stop reading
     e) your favorite snack
     f) how you pronounce root beer
Yo. Bea. I'm sending you some music. eep!

xoxo,
amy

check that off the list

OK. I did it.

I just hit play on SW. I can't decide if I want to write a stream of consciousness or not, so I'll start with yes and see where it leads. It's 10:09am and I have my coffee, a whole wheat english muffin with crunchy peanut butter and bananas next to me. Outside it's thundering and raining.

From here below there will be no editing, this is straight stream of consciousness.

why are the words at this bizarre angle?
i'm pretty sure i saw the spoof movie where they did this and i didn't get it.

pew-pew-pew

silent runners. weird.

and a trashcan robot that communicates via beeps. [I knew about that one, but i can't remember his name.]

darth vader. "vader in german means father."

I'm curious. are these bad guys humans with masks or do they just look like that? I mean, I know they're actors in masks and plastic suits, but in the movie are they supposed to be humans in masks and plastic suits? does Darth Vader ever take off the mask? how did the sex thing happen with Luke's father?

I can't decide if there's a man inside the gold robot thing or not? His head is so small...

This is literally like a little boy's fantasy with all the made up talk and everything. hilarious. The glowy-eyed little guys dressed like Franciscan monks just showed up.

I thought Harrison Ford was Luke...but apparently not. Luke is so whiney!

"Help me Obeonekanobi, you're my only hope."

This.Acting.Is.TURRIBLE.

Introduction of the light saber.
Definition of "the force." So new age-y. 

"Don't try to frighten us with your sorcerers ways Darth Vader..." His face. OH MY GOSH.

I think that face means Luke is pissed and he wants some revenge.

Harrison Ford! Han Solo. Presh, but carries the same arrogance he does as a man.

Dat jump to light speed. Woah.

The accents of all these characters...so confusing.

They are in garbage that only contains metal and water and they're complaining about the smell. WEIRD.

OK, I stopped typing because I was having a difficult time paying attention. I didn't love this movie. I'm sorry. Do I need help? People never say "Star Wars? Meh." They just start telling jokes and talking trivia and I'm all  -__-  WHAT DOES IT MEAN?!?

May the force be with you...and also with you. [That's how my mind works.]

to do list

I'm on vacation and I'm pretty stoked about it. OK, fine: I'm positively giddy. This is my first break since December where I don't have some assignment hanging over my head and 60 pounds of nursing textbooks in my bags...I have $1 novels from the clearance shelves at Half Price Books.

I still am approaching this break with a sense of purpose and have created this list of things to accomplish. My goal is to feel that that I have appropriately "breaked" if you know what I mean if you can catch what I'm throwing down if we're speaking the same lingo ...yeah.

• Lay in the sunshine by the lake, if you follow me on IG you knew this one
• Read a minimum of 5 novels
• Drink coffee only in the mornings, unless I want it. My point is that I don't need to drink it to stay awake! 
• Eat Amish crack...twice, but no more. I must set appropriate boundaries. 
• Spend a day in Olin alone with a picnic lunch and no phone
• Kayak before 7am
• Dance until my feet hurt at Christin's wedding 
• Hug and laugh and catch up with my Lifesign Loves
• Purchase my textbooks
• Visit Kate and eat sundaes at DeBrand's
• Shop at ClothesMentor
• Walk most nights
• Watch Star Wars if it's a rainy day
• Bake a tomato pie
• Sew Sarah's wedding present [if I finish it before their one year anniversary, I'm not a terrible friend, right?]
• Eat as much produce as humanly possible
• Go to dinner with a delightful group of people in Goshen [Goshen, are you my future home?]
• Cook for my grandparents
• Wear sunscreen and a swimsuit
• Bathe in the lake
• Peruse the countryside, windows down, music up
• Eat a glazed doughnut from Foltz's 
• CORN!
• Edit pictures
• Read old issues of Food Network Magazine
• Allow all the melanin that's been hibernating within me it's time to shine
• Find a place to pick peaches -- stop telling me they're not ready yet! I'm talking to you, every you pick stand I've looked up!
• Solo adventure to Turkey Run!
• Bake something [or perhaps I should say "some things"]
• Blog if I want to and don't if I don't

K-12

I've spent the last ten years trying to look my age...this face basically looks almost exactly like my junior year high school picture. I feel pretty proud when people think I'm in my mid 20s, although most guess I'm in my early 20s. World, I am 31. I've tried to attain some aging wrinkles: I'm in the sun! I laugh a lot! I have willed my face to look older and wiser.

Nope.

Nothing. 

I guess it's good skin genes. Thanks, Mom and Dad!

Kindergarten, First Grade, Second Grade

For the record in that second grade picture I'm wearing a jumpsuit made of corduroy. My mom must have really loved outfits that were all one piece because I remember wearing a lot of them. In fourth grade, I'm pretty sure that's another awesome one piece thing. Coulottes? I can't remember for sure.

Third Grade, Fourth Grade, Fifth Grade

If I could go back in time the one thing I would teach my younger self is to use conditioner and brush my hair. Oh geeze...that fourth grade hair. The bangs were also a really good choice with the curls. My scalp was super-sensitive and I hated to brush my hair because of all the tangles I had from my curls. If I remember accurately, in fifth grade I basically quit brushing my hair below the very top layer and I once put it in a topsy-tail [but without the actual TopsyTail (R)] and built up a HUGE dreadlock at the nape of my neck. That might be why my sixth grade hair is the length it is...nothing can explain why it's so pyramidal.

MIDDLE SCHOOL

I was dying to have glasses in fifth and sixth grades. The summer before seventh grade my vision finally failed me! Answered prayers! [It was inevitable since both my parents wear glasses.] I chose the tortoise-shell colored metal frames and rocked those glasses for a year...then I got contacts for volleyball in eighth grade. Obviously I really, really, really wanted to wear glasses.

Freshman, Sophomore, Junior...and you've seen my senior picture from Judging Amy.

I finally got veneers on my teeth the summer before high school and discovered layers, hair gel, and mousse. What miraculous products!

Those are my school pictures! Hooray for public school pictures to record all those awkward years where I was attempting to figure out my hair and style. (-:

24-Hours on Tinder

I was on Tinder for 24-hours.

I hate online dating. I’ve said it a bajillion, million [ok, maybe a few dozen] times. You’re probably squinting and saying, “But, why do you hate it so vehemently, amy? and why would you get on at all?”
OK, you probably weren’t squinting. I was squinting, but it was only because my glasses had fingerprints on them.

Internet dating is this world of pictures and autobiographies and chat boxes: Please describe yourself in 500 characters or less. Answer these questions, we’ll give you two options and you need to choose one [of course the question will be ambiguous and neither answer actually applies to you] and then we’ll find you a match based on the question that wasn't applicable to you. So-in-so looked at your profile and gave you the thumbs up, want to chat with him/her? Swipe to the right to like,p swipe to the left to reject; if you both swipe each other to the right then it's a GREEN HEART! Basically the whole human element is gone - the eye contact, the spontaneous laughter, the nervous excitement.

The number one reason I hate online dating is because I hate the person that comes out in me. All of my ugliest flaws rise right to the surface and I’m a person I try really hard not to be.

Judgy.

It’s one thing to joke around and say “I’m judging you so hard for going to that Miley Cyrus concert.” or “Those Danskos are totally a victim of my judgement.” [hideous yet the most comfortable shoes ever] or even “Let me meet and judge him to see if he’s worthy of your love.” [I gave myself this job in college for all the boys my friends dated, but unless there were major red flags I wasn't going to say anything. I loved that my friends were in love.]

This isn't the kind of judgy where I've interacted and decide that that human being is a jerk...because he was a jerk. No, this is judging solely on appearance. I can read the words you wrote, but really I'm judging your pictures, just like you're judging mine.

Ugh.

OK, I lied. I judge the grammar and sentence structure and quantity of selfies [do you have friends?!] all in a neat little package I like to call, You Have Been Weighed and Measured and Found Lacking by Amy. Not that I wouldn't judge those things in real life, but I would give someone a few minutes of my time and the possibility of winning me over before my harsh superficial judgement. At least I'd like to think that I would.

All that to say, I'm judgmental it's not my favorite quality about myself.

Then there's the chatting.

OH.MY.LANTA...the chatting. I am equal parts entertained and appalled.

Male: What's up cutie?
Me: *no reply* [I refuse to reply to people who don't even say hi...and terms of endearment? Ick. That wasn't going to work out in any way, shape, or form.]

--------------------------------

Random Male: Hello!
Me: Hi!
Random Male: How was your day?
Me: Not too bad, just the usual school and studying. How was yours? [I usually try to ask something related to his profile rather than just echoing the question.]
Random Male: Nice. I just had work today.
Me: What do you do for work?
Random Male: So, want to see my penis?
Me: *blocked* [Really? Do you think it's that special? Trust me I've seen A LOT of penises (catheter assessments) and none of them have been pretty enough to show a stranger. Ew.]

--------------------------------

Random Man: My name's not Spencer, but Stephen is pretty close. [I had this thing on my profile that said that I took a Buzzfeed Quiz telling me my future life partner's name would be Spencer. *destiny*]
Me: Haha, it is, you've got the "S" and "e"s in common. [looks at his profile.]
Me: What are you in school for?
Stephen: I'm studying _______.
Me: What influenced you to study _______?
Stephen: answers
Me: question
Stephen: answer
Me: question
Stephen: answer
This goes on for awhile.
Me: [thinking --REALLY, Stephen? Do you want to learn anything about me at all? I just got distracted by PBS.org watching A Chef's Life. Conversation over.]

WHYYYYYY???? Is conversation supposed to be this painful? This difficult? Where are the normal people? 

I hate why I get online and sign up in the first place--it's because I want attention.

I am an attention whore.

Like me! Talk to me! Tell me I'm pretty!

I want men to pay attention to me, and I want to punch myself in the face for wanting that. I'm a feminist! I don't need a man! I'm fiercely independent! I am satisfied with my life! Still...some part of me wants that dang attention. 

The thing I LOVE about Tinder? 

Find a friend who is also on Tinder...screen-shot each other the extra-special people who are on there. It's hilariously entertaining. Friend bonding over the ridiculous people of the internet.

I'm a judgy, attention-seeking weirdo who laughs at the expense of others.
How do I even have friends? 

Judge me. I most certainly am.

**full confession: I was on Tinder for 24-hours the SECOND time. The first time I made it two whole weeks.**