to do or not to do

sac·ri·fice

 [sak-ruh-fahys] noun, verb, sac·ri·ficed, sac·ri·fic·ing.

noun

1. the offering of animal, plant, or human life or of some material possession to a deity, as in propitiation or homage.

2. the person, animal, or thing so offered.

3. the surrender or destruction of something prized or desirable for the sake of something considered as having a higher or more pressing claim.

4. the thing so surrendered or devoted.

5. a loss incurred in selling something below its value.

The surrender of something prized or desirable for the sake of something considered as having a higher or more pressing claim.

I'm not going to lie: I want it all.

I want school to come easily, to not worry about rent and bills and money during, to live well while balancing work and school and life.

I want to be a perfect catch: fun, flirty, opinionated, interesting, sweet, saucy, gentle, kind, loving. I want to be desirable to the opposite sex...or what I perceive to be desirable.

I want a husband, babies, a roof over my head, my home decorated with the perfect eclectic mix of vintage and IKEA, children who crave time spent together, delicious homemade meals served in quirky dishes as our family gathers to eat.

I want deep conversations, the ability to hear the truth and accept it, intense belly-laughs until the tears come and my abdominal muscles ache, vulnerability, understanding of what our friendship is [neither person being more or less invested than the other], clarity of when to push and when to pull back.

I want unwavering faith that God has me, will have me, and has had me through it all. I want to love like Jesus and seek out those who are different from me, to love God's people, to invest my time and heart in them, to not think about myself before others.

I want a job that aligns with my vocation that pays well and allows me a blend of work and vacation and benefits and time with my kids and time to be creative and time to be concrete.

I want pervasive happiness that comes with faith and the ability to know-to know-that riding out the shadows is possible.

I.
WANT.
IT.
ALL.

But, I can't have it all.

When I strive for it all, I fall short which makes me feel like a failure. When I try to do it all, I don't sleep which makes me unpleasant. When I forget what my priorities are I begin to wander aimlessly which makes me a leaf blowing in the wind. Striving? Failure? Unpleasant? Aimless wandering?
Not where I want to be.

My higher goals right now are to be a good student, to love my friends and family well, to love myself well. I've been lacking because I've spread myself too thin.

So what's my sacrifice? Is it a short-term sacrifice or a long-term sacrifice?

Where do I let this event pass me by? When do I say "no"? How do I take time from this for that? Why did I choose x over z? What decision is right for me? What decision works toward my goals? What decision is good for others? What decision will keep me from getting stuck?

Right now, I'm struggling with making those choices. I've decided I'm going to try letting my "no" mean "no" and my "yes" mean "yes."

"No, I can't make that trip."
"No, I'm not staying late at work for that person's massage."
"No, I'm not going to stress about dating/being single/pressuring myself to be online."
"No, I need to study and not socialize."
"No, I can't take pictures."

"Yes, I am going to get up on a Sunday morning to go to church."
"Yes, I am going to spend an entire day watching movies, eating soup, baking brownies, and any left over time will be spent in the bathtub." *perfect day*
"Yes, I would love to do dinner."

Time for some big-girl panties.


love you people.
amy

the cat

This is Hank.

The Hankinator.

Hanklin Delano Roosevelt.

Hankity-pankity pants.

Hankers.

And he's in a box, it's what all the cool cats are doing.

Do you have a cool cat?


love you people.
amy & hank

just a day...documented

It's fall in Indiana. Most of the leaves have now fallen, we had two days of deliciously warm weather and it's now brisk. I love wearing cardigans, layers, leggings, boots and scarves.

Fall is my jam.

I met these ladies I love for a brunchie-munchie-lunchie.

Senior. She's not allowed to go to college. I love her.

Freshman. She's not allowed to turn 15. I love her.

Auntie. She needed new pictures for speaking engagements. Hence the brunchie-munchie-lunchie. We laughed a lot. I love that and her.

Latte.

I think this was the best latte I've had since leaving NC. Yes, I'm talking about the BEST LATTE I'VE  HAD IN 17 MONTHS. Fort Wayne people, go to the Friendly Fox.

Plus the cup was pretty. [If you noticed the latte art was different...you get a GOLD STAR! This was my second cup. Love.]

This is me...in a bathroom. My hair is growing sloooooowly. I just want to chop it off like these hairspiration ideas on pin 1 and pin 2. Thoughts? Of course it has to be long enough to donate before I take the plunge.

I'm trying to blog more. I was asked to write some updates over on the cooking closet.
I did.
I am.
I have recipes to share. One of those things is this pumpkin whoopie pie. Hellooooo, tastiness.

Since I'm trying to blog more, and I don't want to be annoying on the book of faces...you can follow me on the Mostly Nonsense 365 facebook page if your heart so desires.

This week's mani:

Orange and black for a little Halloween action.

Hank says hello.

There's a whole Hank post coming up soon. He doesn't want you to forget how to adore him.


love you people.
amy

note to self.

Please start exercising again. You need it. Your body likes it. Your heart likes it...the emotional and the physical one.

The fact that you have not gained weight due to replacing meals with coffee is not a reason not to exercise.

The result of the coffee running through your veins is that you cannot sleep at night.

The result of not being able to go to sleep at night is that you don't get up on time.

The result of not getting up on time is that your morning is rushed and although a Larabar and an apple is a good once-in-awhile breakfast, the fact that you are eating it at 10am every day is not the best.

Now, finish your homework, drive home, and go to bed. Someone [and by someone I mean a cat because you are on the periphery of being a crazy cat lady] wants to cuddle with you. You can dream about boys. You can snuggle in your awesome bed. You can wear sweatpants.

love,
amy

this week's mani

Lots of my friends love-I mean really, really LOOVE-Halloween.

For me, my reaction is, "meh."

I'm excited for November 1st. Why? 

Is it because in two weeks I'll be another year older? No. 

Is it because the probability of snow has increased? A little. 

Is it because I'm going to Kansas for Thanksgiving? Sure. 

Is it because for two consecutive months I can listen to Christmas music on repeat? YES. 

But, even though I'm excited for November, I can still pretend to have some Halloween spirit, so I did my nails. 

Candy corn nails for my right hand and a Frankenstein's [that's "Frah-kehn-sch-teen"] Monster, a cuppula mummies, a jack'o lantern and a candy corn on the left. I painted the candy corn nails by doing 2 layers of yellow over the whole nail, a stripe of orange and finishing with a stripe of white at the base. I had white polish ALL OVER my cuticles, but I just scrubbed it off in the shower this morning. (-:

The Frankenstein's [that's "Frah-kehn-sch-teen"] Monster nail is a layer of dark green, a layer of a lighter green painted imperfectly and details with black striper polish. The mummies are 2 layers of glow-in-the dark OPI [it's old] with two eyes dotted on and then white striper polish making the mummy's bands. The jack'o lantern is just orange and I drew on it with black striper polish.

BOOM.

Halloween nails.

Amber & Chris: Wedding Pics

A few weeks ago I shot my first wedding.

Erm...you want me? to take pictures? of one of the most important days of your life?
Idon'tknowaboutthis.
WhatifI'mnotgoodenough?
Whatiftheyhatethepictures?
WhatifImisstherightshots?
WhatifIcan'tfigureoutthelight?
WHAT.IF.I.SUCK?
Yup, when the words run together that means they were instantaneous, uncontrollable, SELF-DOUBTING thoughts. ick. ugh.

So, I got over my fear and headed south to Anderson, IN.

I'm so grateful for the experience to get to shoot Chris and Amber's wedding! One of my close friends and a fellow apple pi, Jessica, is Chris's older sister. I was in her wedding several years ago and it's been awesome to live nearby again. Jessica did an amazing job planning the wedding. She saw on my 30x30 that I wanted to get paid to take pictures, so she asked me to do this wedding! I'm honored!

Look what she did-it was amazing!

My wish for Amber and Chris is that they remember their beautiful wedding day, the love their friends showered upon them, and most importantly the promises they made to one another.

I probably won't do any more weddings. I'll take engagement, maternity, senior, family, newborn and food pictures, so ask for those [friends and family]. (-:

I've been reading about professional photography and I don't think I want to go to the scary self-employed place [I feel the same way about massage, business and marketing is HARD!]. As I learned from this experience taking important pictures is more stressful than I even expected [and this was probably the most low-maintenance couple in existence-woo!] and bossing people around [while a natural state to me] on purpose was hard.

All that said, I love these images--beautiful setting, gorgeous people!--and many others, so I hope Amber and Chris enjoy them for years to come!

[Especially this one. Ha!]

love you people.

amy