Oh, bravery. You are a tough nut to crack.
When you're an outsider looking in, doesn't bravery seem easy?
When you're an insider looking in, doesn't it seem like the deepest widest pool that you want to get the heck out of ASAP?
I think about all the people I know who are doing brave things with their lives. I want some of that bravery.
I want to be the person who dances like no one's watching. I want to be the girl who sings without worrying about the right pitch. I want to invite people to watch the mystery of labor and birth. I want to be the person who leaves it all behind to live in a new country where I don't even know the language. I want to meet new people with all of my personality on the table. I want to try new things without worrying if I'll be able to be successful.
I just got into the accelerated nursing program I've been praying I would get into. My prayers felt like pleas because I was [honestly, completely, 99.9%] sure I wasn't going to get in. They base everything on grades and when I submitted my transcripts I was told, "oh, a B- in Anatomy? You'll probably have to retake that to get in." So, I made other plans. Every program has different pre-requisites so I took as many that would fill the slots I needed for different schools as I could. I completed my application to my first choice and then made a few back-up plans: private school, other public schools in Indiana, possible application to a public university in North Carolina, and then doing some more research on out-of-state schools I might be able to attend that would welcome my 3.52.
In the midst of taking my summer chemistry course, I got a packet in the mail!
Then, I cried.
If you know me well, you know I like a plan. I like structure. I've been waiting for over 10 years to figure out what the heck to do with my life and now you want me to wait and take this and that stupid course just so I can apply for your program that starts in EIGHT MONTHS?! What am I supposed to do with myself between here and there? I want, I NEED to start now! Let's get this show on the road!
So, that felt a little...anxious.
I have a list of things to complete [including a slew of immunizations] and then I start in August.
It's going to be hard. I'm going to be a bad friend. I'll probably have moments of being a bad student. I'll let things slide. I'll forget important dates. But, in the end? I'm going to be headed in the right direction.
It's scary and intimidating.
I feel brave.
So, what about you?
Who have you seen being brave?
What are you doing that makes you feel brave?
love you people.