Things started to slow down around 12:30 [that’s am] as they sometimes do. [Sometimes 12:30 is when things are just starting to get busy.] Two nurses came up to me while I was charting and told me they had a new patient headed my way.
OK, give me the scoop.
The patient would be over soon, but they had this specimen that needed to be run up to the lab. A specimen? They had a urinal with some ice and this curved brown…thing…inside it.
They said that the patient had come in after this…thing…had fallen off of his privates. [Normally, I’d just use anatomical terminology, but internet searches can get weird and I don’t want weird randoms stumbling upon this just because I said peeeenis-t.] In my head I’m thinking, 'OK. This is plausible. Maybe he was degloved in some weird accident.’ [Don’t click the link on degloved unless you have a strong stomach. Suffice it to say it’s an accident that basically takes the skin off of an area of the body.] I read Figure 1, I’ve seen the TLC show. People come in to the emergency department with weird stuff from bedroom adventures. This is not a time for judgement.
E looks at me and says, "Let’s go up to the lab. It’s all you to explain this and give the handoff of the specimen.”
OK. I can handle this.
We silently rode up the elevator. I had to figure out in my head how to explain this specimen when I gave it to the lab technician.
We arrive. I ring a doorbell. I am sweating.
I start to explain, “Uh…we had a patient come in. This piece came from his genitals. Apparently it fell off, we’re not sure how…and they don’t know what it is but they’re worried about something...”
At this point the technician looks horrified, she doesn’t even want to take this out of my hands. I probably started to look a little panicked because E starts giggling.
She can’t stop giggling.
Then she says, “You’ve just been initiated, friend.”
Those dorks totally pranked me…and since I’m gullible it wasn't the last time. The other story you’ll have to ask for in person.
Anyway, these are my new co-workers.
I couldn’t be more excited to work with them. This time I’m watching you, nurses.