survival kit

Don't judge my bathroom.

I'm oddly enamored with knowing what products/systems/things people use on their bodies. You know, makeup and schtuff. Instagram got me hooked on nail polish pages and then led me to some make-up pages and now? I'm in deep, friends. This is odd because I spent about 28 years of living with a naked face and now...can't stop, won't stop.

Hair product on the other hand? That has been a never ending quest to figure out what I like that works with my texture and doesn't get too heavy or crunchy or too light or ALL THE THINGS. Anyway, I found perfection:

DevaCurl Light Defining Gel
My hair is thin [but there's a lot of it] and has a tendency to be frizzy. I only use this gel and One Condition from the DevaCurl line. [They have several versions for differehnt hair types.] One of the things I love about the gel is that you put it in your hair, then you can either let your hair air dry, pin up portions to help get lift to the roots, or diffuse it and THEN YOU SCRUNCH IT. If you have curls, you know this is the cardinal sin against curls. touching hair = FRIZZ. Nope, not with DevaCurl. It's made to be scrunched and fluffed and hold your curls beautifully. Me = smitten kitten.

Continuing on the hair train: It's a 10 Miracle Leave-in Product

FRIZZ FIGHTER, MOISTURIZER EXTRAODINAIRE.

Makeup! My eyebrows are unfortunate, it's just how I was born. Darn you thin, sparse, non-face-framing hairs above my eyes.

Anastasia Beverly Hills Tinted Brow Gel to the rescue. Worth every penny.

It may make me a hippie, but this toothpaste! It's GF, Floride Free, and SLS Free [what the heck is an SLS??]. Obviously that's means it's fancy. Dessert Essence Natural Tea Tree Oil + Mint

I'm too cheap to get the swirly, whirly cleaner thing that's so popular, but I did pick up this Oil of Olay version from Target. I love it.

I use Cetaphil as my daily cleanser and then when I want a little more exfoliation I slap a dollop of St. Ives Pink Lemon and Mandarin Orange Scrub. It smells like sunshine and happiness.

Last, but most certainly not least, the most favorite thing I currently own: THIS.

It's under-eye circle eraser magic. Maybelline Dark Circle Eraser. I'm pretty sure it's made in heaven for people who don't get enough sleep.

BTW, I made this little picture in my bathroom awhile ago. I actually did a whole tutorial, but then I got lazy and didn't show y'all. It's knock-off hand-lettering. And by "knock-off" I mean Microsoft Word + Graphite paper. It was super easy if anyone wants to know how.

I love that it uses the word "sexy" as if I would ever describe myself as sexy. heh. I'm smizing in the above photo. Yup. Looks legit. More "sexy" face attempts.

Stop judging my bathroom.


Tell me your favorite products: 3, 2, 1, go!

well, it happened

As soon as it started I knew I was in for something crazy. Dangerous. Exciting. Difficult. Thought provoking. Fun. Meaningful. Life changing.

My capstone [think of it like student teaching for nurses] experience has been all of that. The first few weeks I stood firmly at my "I'm here because it was my second choice and my fist choice [L&D] wasn't available to me" podium. I'll just keep my thoughts on enjoying my emergency department time to myself thankyouverymuch.

Then I started talking about my obsession with Larry. And the amount of time I spend on Figure 1. And writing notes on conditions and expectations. And looking up treatments so I would know what to anticipate. And asking doctors questions. 

One night my preceptor [she'd be like my supervising teacher, let's call her E] looked at me around 2am, "Are you sure you want to do OB? I just think you'll be bored. You're interested in so many things." 

"Well...ummm...I can't have this conversation right now." 

Obviously, I'm very mature.

Then her statement festered and bubbled in my head for a week. I talked it out with two of my closest nursing loves. They literally looked at each other and then at me and said, "Duh. You light up when you talk about the ED." Well, crap.

You guys: I STINKING LOVE THIS. 

I tried really hard not to, but I do. 

Beyond just being an adrenaline rush [because let's be honest, I definitely like that part too], some of my favorite moments are taking care of patients who trust your opinion [even when you say, "let me check and get back to you"], talking with physicians who want to know what you think, and working with passionate nurses who support each other. I love getting to learn about so many different conditions. I love seeing this huge spectrum of patients with things ranging from a cough to multiple life-threatening conditions and getting to be a part of healing those people. I love the population that my site serves. I love that my mind is on fire with all the things I'm learning. 

This is totally biting me in the ass from when during my critical care class I said, "This is interesting, but it's not what I'm going to do!" 

When E and I finally sat down after a crazy evening with a plethora of patients, we talked about it. I most definitely didn't initiate this because I was totally scared of this conversation and wanted to pretend like it didn't need to happen. Denial, friends. E says I wouldn't have struggled with her confrontation if I hadn't already been thinking about it [so true]. I also walked away at least twice during this conversation. Shall I remind you of my maturity? I feel so naked and vulnerable.

Dangit. Why did I get a preceptor who was a) so intuitive and b) willing to call me out on my bullshit?  

Most people wouldn't have said anything. They would have had the usual conversation with me where I say, "These are my goals. This is why I'm in nursing school. This is my life plan." NO ONE HAS QUESTIONED IT, I think because it does seem fitting for me, but what if this is better? What if I do this for awhile and then I do the other? What if I never do the other and I'm supposed to just do this?

This is some scary business for me. What do I want now? What should I want to do with my nursing career? I'm done with school in 30 days. THIRTY DAYS.

*heart palpitations* 

*sweating* 

*deep breaths*

My comfort is that I know that nursing is where I'm supposed to be. If you were privy to deeper conversations with me over the past 10-12 years [YEARS] you know that talking about my future and what I was meant do with my life was a HUGE struggle. You saw the tears. You saw the searching. You saw the desire to do something meaningful, but not knowing what that meant.

So...that's where I am right now. Excited. Scared. Anxious. Sleepless.

Hopeful.