August 1, 2014

24-Hours on Tinder

I was on Tinder for 24-hours.
I hate online dating. I’ve said it a bajillion, million [ok, maybe a few dozen] times. You’re probably squinting and saying, “But, why do you hate it so vehemently, amy? and why would you get on at all?”
OK, you probably weren’t squinting. I was squinting, but it was only because my glasses had fingerprints on them.

Internet dating is this world of pictures and autobiographies and chat boxes: Please describe yourself in 500 characters or less. Answer these questions, we’ll give you two options and you need to choose one [of course the question will be ambiguous and neither answer actually applies to you] and then we’ll find you a match based on the question that wasn't applicable to you. So-in-so looked at your profile and gave you the thumbs up, want to chat with him/her? Swipe to the right to like,p swipe to the left to reject; if you both swipe each other to the right then it's a GREEN HEART! Basically the whole human element is gone - the eye contact, the spontaneous laughter, the nervous excitement.

The number one reason I hate online dating is because I hate the person that comes out in me. All of my ugliest flaws rise right to the surface and I’m a person I try really hard not to be.


It’s one thing to joke around and say “I’m judging you so hard for going to that Miley Cyrus concert.” or “Those Danskos are totally a victim of my judgement.” [hideous yet the most comfortable shoes ever] or even “Let me meet and judge him to see if he’s worthy of your love.” [I gave myself this job in college for all the boys my friends dated, but unless there were major red flags I wasn't going to say anything. I loved that my friends were in love.]

This isn't the kind of judgy where I've interacted and decide that that human being is a jerk...because he was a jerk. No, this is judging solely on appearance. I can read the words you wrote, but really I'm judging your pictures, just like you're judging mine.


OK, I lied. I judge the grammar and sentence structure and quantity of selfies [do you have friends?!] all in a neat little package I like to call, You Have Been Weighed and Measured and Found Lacking by Amy. Not that I wouldn't judge those things in real life, but I would give someone a few minutes of my time and the possibility of winning me over before my harsh superficial judgement. At least I'd like to think that I would.

All that to say, I'm judgmental it's not my favorite quality about myself.

Then there's the chatting.

OH.MY.LANTA...the chatting. I am equal parts entertained and appalled.

Male: What's up cutie?
Me: *no reply* [I refuse to reply to people who don't even say hi...and terms of endearment? Ick. That wasn't going to work out in any way, shape, or form.]

Random Male: Hello!
Me: Hi!
Random Male: How was your day?
Me: Not too bad, just the usual school and studying. How was yours? [I usually try to ask something related to his profile rather than just echoing the question.]
Random Male: Nice. I just had work today.
Me: What do you do for work?
Random Male: So, want to see my penis?
Me: *blocked* [Really? Do you think it's that special? Trust me I've seen A LOT of penises (catheter assessments) and none of them have been pretty enough to show a stranger. Ew.]

Random Man: My name's not Spencer, but Stephen is pretty close. [I had this thing on my profile that said that I took a Buzzfeed Quiz telling me my future life partner's name would be Spencer. *destiny*]
Me: Haha, it is, you've got the "S" and "e"s in common. [looks at his profile.]
Me: What are you in school for?
Stephen: I'm studying _______.
Me: What influenced you to study _______?
Stephen: answers
Me: question
Stephen: answer
Me: question
Stephen: answer

This goes on for awhile.
Me: [thinking --REALLY, Stephen? Do you want to learn anything about me at all? I just got distracted by watching A Chef's Life. Conversation over.]

WHYYYYYY???? Is conversation supposed to be this painful? This difficult? Where are the normal people? 

I hate why I get online and sign up in the first place--it's because I want attention.

I am an attention whore.
Like me! Talk to me! Tell me I'm pretty!

I want men to pay attention to me, and I want to punch myself in the face for wanting that. I'm a feminist! I don't need a man! I'm fiercely independent! I am satisfied with my life! Still...some part of me wants that dang attention. 

The thing I LOVE about Tinder? 

Find a friend who is also on Tinder...screen-shot each other the extra-special people who are on there. It's hilariously entertaining. Friend bonding over the ridiculous people of the internet.

I'm a judgy, attention-seeking, weirdo, who laughs at the expense of others.
How do I even have friends? 

Judge me. I most certainly am.

**full confession: I was on Tinder for 24-hours the SECOND time. The first time I made it two whole weeks.**

July 20, 2014

ten things

1. Guess what happens this week?? I START MY OB CLINICALS! Who has two thumbs and is so excited? THIS WOMAN.

2. Last week I was off from clinical for a week, so I did what I'd like to do every week and painted my nails...twice. Neon nails summer 2014!
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Why, yes, I placed every piece of glitter individually.      

3. Since it was an "easy" week, I popped [can one "pop" on a 3-hour trip?] up to the lake for a day. I went to eat in Goshen at Venturi to partake in a feast of delight. I'm pretty sure I could live in Goshen after I'm done with school.

4. I'm devouring avocados like crazy. I made corn salad last week. You should make it. It's bomb(dot)com. Freals.

5. I found my coffee shop! If you've been around for awhile, you know I love finding a sweet local spot to go for a cup of coffee and working/studying. It's about 4-5 blocks from my little space and the people who work there are fantastic. They recognized me after 3 visits and are always very kind and helpful. Plus, good coffee and treats. Duh. [There's a cherry almond bar that I will re-create.]

6. I have GIANT, SWIRLY cucumbers from the grandparent's garden. I think I'm going to make some refrigerator pickles. I'll keep you posted via IG, don't worry. [I could tell you were worried.]

7. Bloggers I'm digging lately: Jamie @ Jamie the Very Worst Missionary; Jessica @ How Sweet It Is; Roo @ SEMIPROPER

Who do you recommend?

8. I made homemade deodorant [1/2 cup coconut oil, 1/4 cup cornstarch, 1/4 cup baking soda, essential oil - I used purification blend]. It seems to be working, I'll keep you posted on my body odor.

9. I want to do a tourist day in Indianapolis. I want to eat and wander around to see and taste the BEST OF [affordable] INDY...Where should I go? What can't I miss?

10. The Nephew turns THREE this week! It hardly seems possible that this little boy has been in our family for three whole years! I love this kid! He gets funnier every day and is 100% my favorite nephew ever!

I hope your day is fantastic!


July 11, 2014

dog food

The Niece is basically the most helpful 1 1/2 year old I know.

I am biased.
First she fed the dogs.

Then she cleaned it piece at a time until we found a little broom for her.
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Who cares that we were waiting on approximately 50 people to descend on the house that we'd been cleaning for days? (-:

And because I can:
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Kansas wind is no joke.