February 3, 2010

Confession

OK, I'm going to tell you something...something of a secret.

I'm afraid of men.

There, I said it. I have a fear of men. Not all men. Just men that I could potentially be interested in. The ones I actually want to talk to.

I think this mostly stems from another confession:

I've never had a boyfriend.

I know, I know. I'm 27 years old. It's pretty ridiculous. It's not like I'm a hermit or a social outcast or anything. However, it's true. I've never actually met anyone that I really think I would be a good match with. Isn't that silly?
Anyways, I was talking to my brilliant friend V after I'd already talked to my other brilliant friend D and they feel that my blog is a pretty revealing, realistic picture of who I am. Huh. How'd that happen? So they think (these are two separate conversations by the by) I should use my blog to attract men.

OK, so this is mostly from V who is a business major and trying to convince me to market myself. Is there something a little off about marketing oneself for a boyfriend? Possibly. Desperate times call for desperate measures though.

I'm going to do it. I'm going to be bold. Brave. And I'm going to use you.

Will you help me?

The thing is, I'm on a couple of freebie dating sites...OKcupid and PlentyOfFish and I don't really like them. I don't like talking to people through dating sites. I don't like receiving generic emails. I don't like the idea that these people are just out there judging me from my pictures (because, really who is reading the information I post?).

This is where you come in. You read my blog. You know how I roll...for the most part. You know men. Your friends know men. Your boyfriends know men. Your husbands know men.

Hello--HOOK A SISTER UP! ( :

So, I want you to help me meet men. I want to meet men you know who are (whether they know it or not) looking for a nice girl who isn't completely tragic looking, who likes to bake, who loves her cat (V told me I'm not technically a crazy cat lady because I'm loyal to only one cat rather than multiple cats. Isn't she sweet?), who is independent, who likes to take care of other people, who cries in bad movies, who cries in good movies, who spends time in coffee shops, who doesn't drink beer, who is confident, who sings in the church choir, walks around with a camera on her hip and whatever else you would use to describe me.
This marketing of myself is all about traffic. Increasing traffic to me. Possibly increasing traffic to my blog. I mean, most men don't exactly care about my cookies. Or my feelings on skinny jeans. Or my crafts. Or my random thoughts. BUT your friend might be interested and she/he might know someone who knows someone who knows someone and then BAM! I'll have a boyfriend all because you passed me along.

All that nonsense tells you who I am, so you could accurately asses if I'd be a good fit for any of the single men you know.

Pass me along to your hairdresser. The lady who sits next to you in church. Your boyfriend. Your brother. The person in the cubicle to your left. The person in the cubicle to your right. What I'm saying is pass along my blog, my information and then if you or the person you passed me to knows a single man who could potentially be interested in me, pass along my email address...OK, not my real email address.

This email address: meetmyfriendamy@gmail.com

Go forth. Conquer.
Oh, and I'll blog about everything. That's the kind of person I am.

6 comments :

  1. This might be the coolest thing I've ever seen/heard/read. I think I'll introduce you as the woman who wore my wife's wedding dress. Yes, that will do nicely.

    P.S. I've been reading you in an RSS feed, and finally clicked to the actually blog, and I love your redesign. Cute and classy.

    ReplyDelete
  2. You are amazing Ms. Hoffman! Thank you for your honesty and I hope the search proves fruitful for you. Lots of love to you!!! : )

    ReplyDelete
  3. Alas, I think every guy I know in Durham/Chapel Hill you already know. But if this changes & the guy isn't a royal douche bag, I'll let you know.

    ReplyDelete
  4. James, I love it. "Meet my friend, Amy. She wore my wife's wedding dress." I can just see how that would go over! ( :

    Meag, love to you too!

    Josh, Good luck. I like the non-douche baggy kind of guys.

    ReplyDelete
  5. Amy, if it makes you feel better (and don't feel bad if it doesn't) I'm 28 and have never had a boyfriend. I only actually kissed a guy for the first time this past Labor Day. (The technical first kiss doesn't count because I was pressured into it at The Inn on my birthday during free fry night after we won powderpuff during my super senior year of college. Cameron something or other. He kind of had a mullet. And started dating my Emma Lowman, who was one of my closest friends, soon after.)

    Longest. Parentheses. Ever.

    And I miss you.

    And knowing you've never had a boyfriend either helps me to cease wondering what's wrong with me and start wondering what's wrong with them.

    We're awesome.

    People who can't see that are stupid.

    And I miss seeing you on a regular basis.

    And this is Sarah Nolan from Manchester, btw.

    Good luck!!

    ReplyDelete
  6. hahahahaha sarah. I love you both.

    ReplyDelete